Easternmost Fred - Bird Haiku

A bird haiku per day, written to help a friend combat Marvin, an evil tumor. I am grateful and happy to say that somehow it worked.

Hop hop peck hop hop
peck peck hop peck peck peck peck
is what some birds do

flying free, so high
swooping low, turning, spinning
but I’m a penguin

Carolina Wren
somehow in Maine and why not?
A bird from away

I’m not a seagull
there is no such thing at all
see gull - no sea gull

A bird in morning
a Dove in Mourning, alas!
Let’s go back to sleep

SKREEEeeeeee! Says the Eagle
not really, no they don’t SKREEEeeeee!
just movie Eagles

a Shoebill, a bird
a goofy, ungainly freak
but don’t laugh at it

a Crow likes to crow
and a Raven likes to rave
a bird likes to bird

Starling swaggers, loud
arrogant bully, noisy
so much like human

Bluebird meek, quiet
soft and gentle, loving, kind
so much like human

the Dove lifts its sword
angry, vengeful, set to kill
or eat, and a nap

Shriek! Run! It’s a Shrike!
It’s Vlad! They’re always named Vlad
Shrike the impaler

birds are dinosaurs
don’t let the feathers fool you
just smaller these days

if the ocean were
whiskey and I were a duck
something something drunk

I’m a Crow, a bird
a CORVID, not a COVID!
Feathers, beak, and claws

Swans big as speedboats
the witness said he saw them
Speedboats big as Swans

(sing this)
Owl all wet, an owl
all wet a moist owlett a
soaked wet moist owlett

chickadee do dah
titmouse all gray my oh my
singing haiku art

true facts about birds
birds are not real, they’re drones - spies
said a little bird

Cicada Starling
a bird for all the seasons
insane, noisy bird

Cicada not bird
if it were, what would it be?
Seventeen Year Bird

Cicada not bird
but the Cicada has wings
honorary bird

Carolina Wren
loud flying chipmunk with wings
but much more cuter

the Great Blue Heron
eats anything that will fit
and that’s quite a bit

do birds write haiku?
or do cuckoos write haiku?
that's really cuckoo

birds can write haiku
but how do they write haiku?
They write with Sharpies

haiku birds have five
seven birds in a haiku
but two flew away

snow snakes on snow shoes
juncos slide on snowbird skis
a snow bunting sneeze?

Stealth Grackle, see it?
It thrives on contradiction
see it now? Why not?

Duck, or not a Duck
is that the question, is it?
The Universe is

Profundity Hawk
eats philosophical birds
sing “Cuckoo, Cuckoo”

A bird on a wire
a bird in a bush, or a
bird in outer space?

Meditative bird
gazes into the water
ends a fishes life

puzzled, confused bird
reads encyclopedia
still puzzled, confused

furious, mad bird
squawking, pecking, throwing things
wants peanut butter

Goatsuckers do not
Whip-poor-will, Chuck, Will’s widow
Poor Will, Poor Will, ouch

Nighthawks flying, bugs
sky vacuums, mouths open, eat
Nighthawks eating bugs

Hummingbirds humming
Meadowlarks in bloom at last
Sparrowhawks Kestra

A DelMarVa road
I call it the Kestrel drive
and count every one

Is “every” two sounds
or three? Can Kestrels count them?
Was the last one wrong?

Ev-ry. Ev-er-y
two or three? I’ll ask the crows
Counting Crows – they know

There was a sparrow
from Maine, who got limericks
and haikus confused

A Tufted Twitmouse
thinks it’s so cute, a half-twit
but yes, they are cute

This morning’s hawk waits
perched starkly, wanting breakfast
but there are no birds

Horned owl, Howland Owl
wore glasses and pointy hat
hung out with Pogo

the true harbinger
wheezing Grackle arriving
Redwing close behind

See the So What Owl?
No you don’t – you can’t see it
See the Saw What Owl?

the Saw Whet Owl sounds
saw wet owl, I saw wet owl
silly wet owlettes

the Boat-Billed Heron
didn’t build a boat, oh no
it sailed in its bill

50

Ibis, bin-chicken
that’s what the Aussies call them
dumpster bird curved bill

Profundity Hawk
ponders, considers, and eats
it tastes like chicken

“I’m hungry again
so says Profundity Hawk
pondering chicken

SKREEEeeeeeeee so profoundly
Profundity Hawk as Eagle
in his movie gig

Are birds real? Are they?
Profundity Hawk, nervous
Oh, what will I eat?

The adventures of
Profundity Hawk, all new
Next episode soon!

P. H. stalks its prey
shrieking philosophical
losing its dinner

What reality
Profound Hawk asks, all bemused
wheras and whereat?

Silly question that
Profanity Hawk screams fowl!
And catches a Dove

Profundity Hawk
scoffs at tweeters and eats them
for breakfast and lunch

Asked Professor Hawk
“why so profound, Profound Hawk?”
“no sense of humour”

“Let me study you”
Prof Hawk asked, curiously
“No – I will eat you”

Avoid rude chickens
and unreasonable birds
and try the strange sauce

Don’t try to reason
with a chicken, or penguin
you will always lose

Where is Profound Hawk?
We need its wisdom and grace
reason with chicken

Reason with Chicken
a dish served best cold, hopeless
a chicken reasoned

Gosh! Awk! The Goshawk
Profound and serious hawk
Merlin the Pigeon

Contemplating birds
Profound, Thoughtful Hawk is still
awaiting its chance

Profundity Hawk
sweeps the skies in search of Truth
or a nice, fat Jay

Profound, Profane Hawk
dispenses wisdom, feathers
and thinks of chickens

Wise and thoughtful bird
I am not a “chicken hawk”
I am Hawk Profound

I will not write of
Pelicans. Spines should not
be in a bird’s mouth

The Pedantic Hawk
met the Profound Hawk and the
Profane Hawk cursing

Parra-Green Hawk laughs
“I’m a fierce Rapture! I am”
Psarcastic Hawk scoffs

Harry Woodpecker
big loud and brash, big long bill
Downy – not so much

House Finch, stripey bird
Purple Finch in pajamas
a Finch is a Finch

Yvyja ' u morot î
known as Eleothreptus candicans
a bird of the night

Profundity Hawk
yelling “Kill or be Killed,” Finch!
Finch turns and eats him

Season two begins
Finch pukes Profundity Hawk
Hawk shaken, not stirred

Finch sits, waits - alert
swooping with mighty talons
takes the dozing seed

Cardinal crushes
its prey, mighty Grosbeak wins
peanut is no more

Cardinal up high
brightly red, defiant red
EAT ME! I DARE YOU!

Predator duck, fanged
tentacles waving, danger!
Hisss, quack, quack, growl What??

flying toward health
bird passes danger, hazard
Congratulations!

Predator duck waits
on top of its doghouse lair
Profound hawk laughs, scoffs

The Red Baron flies
three-winged Cardinal, he was
Immelmann turn, safe

Female pilot, foiled
Profound Hawk, Hawk went profane
R Cardinalus

Mourning Dove stalks me
frozen in fear, I await
my doom. The dove strikes

Claire lands on the pond
de Loon, such beautiful sound
a Looner landing

Emu is a bird
a bird, and such fun with words
like emused, e-moo

Emus fly, can’t I?
No they can’t, that’s just silly
big dumb Emus can’t

Emu pecks away
at Marvin, diminishing
making Marvin gone

the Psarcastic Hawk
makes wise quackers, silly ducks
why so many hawks?

Pedantic pigeon
paraphrases platonic
parables prolonged

writing bird haiku
speaking in tongues a cuckoo
burra crazed magpie

the sandpiper pipes
it’s wailing a Celtic tune
shorebird symphony

Gosh Hawk! What is this?
The Punhawk produces more
wordplay silliness

Peregrine Latin
means traveler and it’s fast
fly Peregrine air

Stuck on hawks we are
it’s time for tweety birds now
give the hawks a rest

What bird goes tweet tweet?
Rockin’ Robin? Mockingbird?
Or a honking goose?

Cobra Chickens yes
hissing honkin’ Angry Bird
run, run, run away!

Need Captain Wimby’s
Bird Atlas, to understand
these silly sonnets

100

The Chickens chuckling,
cackling, cawing, chortling loud
wait – chickens don’t caw

One hundred bird words
Counting Crows, Black-winged bird
Tale told by Parrot

Couch Potato Dove
sleeping in the bird feeder
avoids the commute

don’t trust side-eyed birds
do they look you in the eye?
How can you be sure?

Hummingbird arrives
sounds like a C-130
one can fly backwards

PunHawk flies and fleas
Paranthetic predator
ParraGreen Duck Hawk

Myrtle the Warbler
visits your home and brings friends
bird of joy and peace

Juncos don’t eat junk
only premium bird seed
they are fine diners

Turtles on the road
on the road again, turtles
so not really birds

Road Runners running
what they do, in the desert
where are they going?

That bird wears no clothes!
The Bishop cried – outrageous!
“Bite me” said the bird.

Kookaburra sits
(actually it perches)
on the old gum tree

dove on the feeder
blocking the food – such an ass!
Inconsiderate

I have peanuts in
my pocket for the crows that’s
why I have peanuts

another haiku
to be written, a Catbird
arrived this morning

Parula Warbler
how to pronounce Parula -
“ooo” or “para” la?

The Moronic Dove
eats, then sleeps, then sleeps again
and sleeps, eats, and sleeps

the Pelican can’t
Cormorant might or might not
Cobra Chicken did

haiku haiku hah!
Bin Chickens dance but don’t sing
Timberdoodles do

how to tell a bird
from another bird - it’s hard
best to just ask them

Woolen Woodpecker
Pleated, Downy, and Hairy
multi-textured birds

Birds that speak haiku
Haiku-Chicken poem-birds
Yellow-breasted Chat

Why Chickens? Why not
Ducks? They’re just as humorous
Daffy, Donald, Quack!

Brown-Headed Nuthatch
flying squeaky toy cuteness
in loblolly pine

Pterodon birdie
big-headed saurian bird
built nest in my brain

Remember - avoid
rude and unreasonable
chickens. Remember!

A bird writes haiku
it’s a Secretary Bird
what else could it be?

Whip-poor-will, Poor Will,
Chuck, Will’s Widow, and Nighthawk
birdys of the night

Timberdoodle doo
chickens, ducks, and geese and swans
Marrakesh express

the Mockingbird mocks
and having mocked, mocks again
sings songs in triplets

all poems must rhyme
and have a bird and some slime
or they would be crhrymes

Coo Coo says the Dove
“Bucket Of Glue!” says Pidgeon
that’s the difference?

I heard a Loon sing
or did I dream I heard it?
Beautiful it was

Albatross! Grumman
Gooney Bird – Navy Douglas
Widgeon – Grumman too

It’s a bird! Or plane
F-117 Nighthawk
seven syllables

Ferruginous hawk
Buteo regalis – yes
Psarcastic hawk laughs

Ostrich has an itch
dares not scratch – might take head off
Ostrich have big feet

there’s no such thing as
a Seagull, no no no no!
No no no no no

Dumbass Dowitcher
long nose, short nose, poking in
other’s business

landfill gulls, garbage
gulls, parking lot gulls, pond gulls,
noisy, ice cream gulls

Fred’s Warbler – rare bird
completely undiscovered
very hard to see

So-so Friggit Bird
it thinks it’s Magnificent
narcissistic bird

Imaginary
birds, make them up, they exist
in our crazy minds

The Ruddy Turnstone
it’s turning stones, turning stones
heading for my car!

Monet, Manet, names
like seagull, Gull, or Gannet
what’s the difference?

Crow, Raven, Blackbird
they’re all the same, like who cares?
Winslow and Homer

Seagulls see the sea
seabirds rarely see the land
no Puffins at Mac’s

Sam Hill Crane, marsh stork -
Shanna saw it, I did too
they’re coming for us

Heron, Herring, Stork
Fly-up-the-creek, Doople-bird
no pedant am I

A bird by any
other name is dinosaur
let us hear them roar

What’s so great about
the Great Bustard anyway?
go ask Will Cuppy

Flying flappy bird
twitter, twitter, tweet tweet tweet
lazy man’s haiku

150

Carolina, House,
Bewicks Wren and Winter too
sing duets sometimes

Uh-oh – used ‘em up
no more bird haiku backlog
gotta write some more

Bird, bird, what kind bird?
New bird, old bird, what to write
cockadoodledoo

Mockingbird, all birds
rolled into one – sings at night
bird for all seasons

Mix the Super Sauce!
To the Chicken coupe, faster!
Hear Cry in the Sky!

It’s Homer Pigeon
Carrie Pigeon, long ago
with Andy Panda

Darnold Duck - took me
twenty years to get the pun
Darn! Old. Duck. Mad mag

Profundity Hawk
screams STOP! Cartoon birds don’t count
these birds are not real!

Paranoid Hawk says
that’s right! They’re Government drones!
Sent to spy on us

Psarcastic Hawk psneers
you’re all deluded and psick
only I matter

Platitude Hawk says
“there there, their they’re, it’s ok
all’s well that end’s well

Pteradactyl Hawk
says “nothing – I don’t exist”
Pigeon says “I won!”

“Pullover Plover!”
Police Hawk shouted loudly
screeching raptorly

Glorious Raptors
raptured, sent along their way
left us birds in peace

Robin speaks science
Turdus Migratorious
embarrassing name

165

duck on my doorstep
oh what shall I do? Oh duck!
What word should I use?

Psychopathic Hawk
visits Psychiatric Hawk
Pathetic Hawk sighs

Pomegranate Hawk
bet you weren’t expecting that
neither was the Hawk

Need Cassowary
for mass destruction and death
or Cobra Chicken

the Cobra Chicken
Canadian Goose, really?
How they cross border?

All we are is Ducks
in the Wind, All we are are
Ducks in the Wind, yes

More birds, need more birds
birds of a feather, more birds
some birds in the hand

Healing bird, health bird
sings and calls and sends kind words
energy of life

Some birds in the bush
none killed with no stones, double
negative that – bird

You Yellow-bellied
Sapsucker! Said the Bad Guy
in the old Western

Brown Creeper circles
spirals up the tree, dizzy
Brown Creeper stops, sings

ManDuck magician
gestures hypnotically,
changes duck to goose

Kestrel, Sparrow Hawk
“Killy Killy!” Falcon swoops
hapless grasshopper

Merlin, an engine
Merlin the bird, Merlin -
birdy magician

Hummingbird waiting
glistening, shining, eager
YEA! Jody is HOME!

Martlet, footless bird
Martlet, the plane, a Wild Cat
Martlet, the missile

Mincing Mockingbird
will publish this stuff, get rich
Thieving Magpie bird

I can’t hear Blackpolls
anymore – are they extinct?
Need a hearing test

Cedar Waxwings gone?
Can’t hear them either – oh no!
I still hear crows though

Doctor Flamingo
and Inspector Grebe set out
to find the Ouzel

185

Owl Day, yesterday
here’s to all the owls I’ve seen
I could list a few

Barred and Horned, Saw Whet -
Snowy, Short and Long Eared too
Screech I’ve heard – not seen

Respighi’s night bird
in the Janiculum Pines
ancient peaceful sleep

Tuonella Swan
glides with death, confusing tale
and building a boat

Firebird flies in flocks
lots of dancing and eggs laid
sorcerer scrambled

“When the White Eagle
of the North is flying…” flap
Threshold of a Dream

R-K BumbleBee
thought bird was bee and flying
not know bird from bat

190

Philosopher hawk
swoop and eat confused bunny
dust to dust, bunny

if the Penguins win
will they be Peng-wins, Puffin
about how they won?

Running out of rhymes
running out of rhythm too
and need a new bird

A Raven visit
a soft breeze through the window
Doves mourn, Crows protest

195

Here’s to flightless birds
embarrassed, eclipsed, hiding
new feathers coming

I’m not done, not yet
canaries, parakeet ducks,
birds unimagined

Great Auk really was.
a sculpture in Newfoundland
a bird that once lived

False knees are not false
they’re not backwards, they’re ankles
nice birds hide their knees

that spoon, that spoon, that
spoooonbill, big bird with big bill
spoonbill full of tea

The 200th bird
what should it be? The Dodo
it seems apropo

the Ptarmigan Hawk
a rare bird that eats itself
bipolar birdy

Is the Great Bustard
great, or just a big chicken?
Heavy, heavy bird.

Gofish, yellow bird
aka Wild Cannery
undulating flight